11.08.2008

The Girl Who Got Ketchup in Her Eye

If you're guessing that girl is me, you'd be correct. This is my karmic punishment for getting Wendy's while I'm on a "diet."

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Our story begins with our heroine pulling into the Wendy's parking lot on her lunch break.

"I havn't eaten in 6 hours!" she says to herself with both hands muffling her grumbling stomach.

She leaves her car and enters the warm and inviting Wendy's. "Ahhh... my favorite restaurant," she says... again, to herself.

She places herself in front of the counter and orders a modest meal of 4 chicken nuggets and a medium fry. After paying and joking off the awkward way the cashier was flirting with her, she grabs her bagged food and heads for the door.

"Oh! One more thing!" she says as she spins around and heads back toward the cash register. "Can I have one of those small cups? I'm going to put my ketchup in it."

The girl liked ketchup. And she liked using a lot of it. She found the small amount of ketchup extracted from the few packets they usually give her just not enough for her tastes. And those dinky ketchup cups don't hold up well through car rides.

So she took her cup--originally intended for chili--filled it 1/3 of the way with delicious red ketchup, and headed back to work.

..............................................

The girl pulled into the parking lot at work and gathered her things. "Woops! Almost forgot the ketchup," as she pulled the cup from the car's holder. She opened the door and climbed out.

But in that very moment, the events of this night turned tragic. God reached down from heaven and slapped the ketchup cup from the girl's hand.

In what had to be slow motion, the cup fell slowly to the pavement. A resounding "noooooooooooo" echoed from the girl's lips. She immediately thought how horrible her chicken nuggets would taste without any delicious red ketchup to dip them in.

But that wasn't her biggest problem.

The ketchup cup hit the pavement with a hollow sounding "thud." The girl looked down to see if her ketchup was salvagable, and that's when it hit her.

Literally... the ketchup hit her.

She saw a dark shadow flying up towards her face, and then felt a sharp stinging in her left eye. "Ahh! I have ketchup in my eye!" she screamed into the november night.

The girl immediately dropped everything she was holding and ran towards the building--leaving her food strewn on the floor and her car door hanging open.

With one hand covering her ketchup-filled eye, she flew through the front doors and down the stairs to the bathroom.

A quick glance in the mirror revealed a pathetic-looking girl with ketchup dripping down her face. She twisted the faucet on full blast and splashed the cold water into her painful red eye.

When she was finished flushing out the ketchup, she got a good look at herself. Naturally, the ketchup had not aimed solely for her face, which was proven by the fact that her clothes were also covered in it.

Her long sleeve maroon shirt... ketchuped. Her new gray sweater... ketchuped. Her pretty brown hair... ketchuped. Her Express jeans... ketchuped.

What a mess.

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And a mess I remain.

One of my favorite parts was after I had finished cleaning myself off (to the best of my ability), I then picked up my unknowingly ketchuped purse and set it on top of my sweater. Hmm... how else can I further the ketchup's journey on my clothes?

So I'm kinda clean (not really), and I keep finding random splatters of ketchup that I missed (including all over our building now).

But my eye still hurts. I rinsed it out as best as possible, but I can't imagine a giant blob of ketchup is all that healthy for it.

Mom? Would you like to come live with me and clean all my clothes? I make a delightful roommate.

4 comments:

Karen said...

I will be there on Friday or you could come home on Monday and bring all the stained clothes with you.

Marcy said...

ROFLMAO! I always get jalepeno juice in my eye. Yeah it hurts like a mo-foer. I feel your pain.

Rainmaker said...

So...did ya eat the nuggets? And if so - with...or without ketchup?

That Pink Girl said...

Okay, so I shared this on Google Reader (with my friends) because it is so freakin' funny. I re-read today and still laughed out loud. The story is funny - but it's all in how you tell it. Keep up the great posts!

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