10.24.2008

College Flashbacks

I have always been really close with my roommates. I lived with the same two girls for the first three years of college. After that, I lived with 5 girls in the world's smallest and most roach infested ghetto house on earth (I'm not saying the house is ghetto... that's just what we call the student neighborhood at my school).

And through all that, you tend to develop a pretty deep bond.

Except for one.

She was one of my best friends when we made the decision to live together. But over a course of a few months, things came between us (mostly a boy), and by the time fall, and move-in day came, we were barely speaking.

Barely speaking turned into not speaking which turned into being intentionally mean to eachother.

We lived like that for an entire year, and then we graduated.

Now, of course I'm not the type of person to find happiness in this situation, but I'm also not the type of person to make the effort to fix it (I don't like confrontation or when someone says "we need to talk").

Time passes and I figured it would always go down in the books as just "one of those things." I figured I would remember her and perhaps remember the good times we had fondly, but I would also never be able to forget what she did to me.

But then...

One average day, I log into my email, and there is a message from her.

I didn't even read it for about an hour. I was too nervous about what it would say... I don't like these things being rehashed.

So when I finally took a look, I found out it was an apology. A very long, seemingly sincere apology for everything that went down during that year and the months leading up to it.

And now that message has sat in my Inbox for almost a month. I keep meaning to write her back, but I'm not quite sure what to say.

I penned a rough draft and let our other 4 roommates read it (they are also not on speaking terms with her). I wanted to come across as grateful, yet I didn't want to convey any sort of apology on my half. But I was told I was being too nice... saying things like "I hope all is well with you."

I want to write back something, because I don't want her to think I'm ignoring the message (I appreciate what that must've taken for her). However, I don't necessarily want to restart our friendship (so I can't give her that idea in my wording).

Has anyone been in this situation before? Any advice?

3 comments:

Karen said...

What is wrong with having a friendship, it isn't as if you live in the same state. It took alot for her to send that e-mail and apologize. You should acknowledge the e-mail and her apology and there is nothing wrong with hoping she is well.

Just my 2 cents worth.

The Lazy Triathlete said...

I had a very similar situation with a girl I dated in college. About 6 years after graduation and 4 years since I had last seen her, I too received an email from her apologizing for her actions.

I immediately replied. I realized it took a lot of courage on her part to pen the message. That was almost 10 years ago now. Over the years I have realized that she was even sorrier for her actions than her words described.

My advice is to get off the pettiness train. How cares if you come across as too nice? What is too nice? It appears that she has grown over the years and realizes what she did was wrong. That takes a lot of courage and in my opinion you her a response, especially based on having been good friends at one time.

Marcy said...

I'd acknowledge the e-mail by saying something short and sweet like "I really thank you for the apology" send it and then move on, especially if you don't want to be friends. I don't know, maybe I'm colder than most?!? LOL

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